I’ve never been a fan of “made up” coaching titles like “Transformative Soul Coach” but I guess since it’s still a 99% unregulated industry, people can call themselves what they want. I’m trying to be straightforward with “Pornography Addiction Coach,” “Betrayal Trauma Coach” and “Therapeutic Disclosure Specialist” but even that last one is a little flowery for me. For the record, that means I’m trained to lead a couple through a process by which (hopefully) trust and communication vastly improves.
Anyway, this is all to say that I think coaching, whether you’re an old-fashioned life coach, have straight-ahead titles like me, or opt for something more uniquely vague, we’re just all in the business of helping people change their lives. Whether it’s addiction, trauma, trust or communication, the client is stuck. It’s my job to help them uncover why and do what we can to fix it.
I’ve heard 101 theories about changing your life, but I don’t believe any single one applies to all people. Most seem to espouse that we can change, but it is limited. Again, I think this is simplistic thinking. You are capable of as much change as you’re willing to attempt.
Henry David Thoreau, the transcendentalist author, once said, “Most men lead quiet lives of desperation.” After working with clients for four years, I completely believe it has nothing to do with gender, geographic location, race, religion, or political viewpoint. The people I work with, from the 22-year-old female pornography addict who can barely admit she has what she believes is a “man’s problem” in the view of society, to the couple that has been married 45 years and have barely talked the last 20, are stuck. Plain and simple. They are stuck where they are.
Yes, there are those nomads among us. They jump from location to location, philosophy to philosophy, job to job, and adventure to adventure. In many ways, they are stuck in a certain way of life just as much as those who can’t fathom step one to making things better.
If you’re stuck, you owe it to yourself to change, whether you’re the reason you are where you are or you just happen to be a victim of circumstance. At the end of the day, the only person who is responsible for your lot in life is the person who looks at you in the mirror. While I believe most people tell themselves stories about the person they see, often to the point of gaslighting, if you’re honest and genuine and come away with the message “that person is stuck” then you must do something about it.
Maybe it’s not about porn addiction or betrayal trauma or communication. Maybe it’s just about the truth. That person in the mirror hates their job. That person needs more friends. That person needs to go on a trip that gets them out of their comfort zone. That person is never going to find someone until they start looking. It’s wonderful to have the honesty to admit the problems to the person in the mirror, but it’s ultimately about saying, “I’m stuck and I’m going to do whatever it takes to become unstuck and usher in change.”
Unfortunately, many people never get to that point. And perhaps even more tragic, many come and sit with me for a session and (reading the expression on their face) are either unwilling or believe they are unable to do the work to change things.
Change is the way of the world. It’s the natural order. Progress can’t be stopped. But your personal progress can. And when it does, you know something is off, if you’re honest with yourself.
In the last 12 years, I’ve changed in ways I couldn’t imagine. Me, a coach? Yes. Me, enjoying helping others? Yes. Me, a good husband and father? Yes. All it took was me being honest about who I really was, and who I needed to be. The details work themselves out. They always do.
If you’re feeling stuck, no matter what it is, you’re already ahead of most people. Now, what are you going to do about it? If you need help, I’m here for you. Schedule a session with me at MY SCHEDULING PAGE.
